Star-Lord's Journal
by Pikapegasus
Summary: Gamora looks back on her relationship with Peter through the journal he's been keeping since their fight against Ronan on Xandar. (Starmora Week 2017, Day 7: Unspoken)


**A/N:** I'M...NOT...DEAD...

here's our last installment for starmora week 2017! it was super fun even tho this is suuuuper late LOL but yeah, enjoy!

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Starmora Week 2017, Day 7: Unspoken

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Gamora wakes up with a shiver, trying to pull her blanket more tightly around her shoulders. She takes in her surroundings for a moment; she's in her bed with Peter, though all of the blankets are wrapped around her (admittedly, this is usual; she can't help that she gets cold easily) and he's not actually lying down with her. She then realizes she's not even sleeping on a pillow, but Peter's lap, and when she looks up at his form slumped back against the wall adjacent to their bed, he's snoring softly.

She shifts a little, causing his hand to slide down her arm. Over the soft sounds of the distant machinery in the Milano, the horrifyingly heavy rain outside makes itself apparent, filling Gamora's ears quickly. She sighs, settling her head back on Peter's thigh. The downpour had started while they were in the middle of their errands that day, and once Gamora had finished getting what _she_ needed with Peter, they decided to return to the Milano to get out of the crazy weather while the rest of the team finished their own errands.

Thanks to her body mods, she doesn't really get sick, but she's never been particularly good in low temperatures, especially when moisture is involved. Sure, she can handle it enough to get whatever job she's tasked with done with no complaints, but it'll take her a little longer to warm up afterward than other species—even _Terrans_.

(Peter likes to hold it over her. She pretends to hate him for it until he offers up _all_ of their blankets to her; then, he is suddenly not completely insufferable.)

Somehow returning to the Milano to dry off—they'd been soaked enough that her hair stuck to her face while Peter's hair turned a much darker shade all together—turned into cuddling in bed, which quickly turned into sleeping.

She considers grabbing her comms to check in with the others, because she's not really sure _how_ much time has passed, but when she hears Rocket yell from the other side of the ship, followed by Mantis shushing him, well, that answers that. She then debates waking Peter to let him know they're clear to leave, but even just another glance up at his face drowns the willpower from her. He's sleeping a little _too_ nicely for someone who's sitting up, in her opinion, but her attention is then grabbed by something else.

Peter's journal. It's sitting on the bed on the other side of his legs, beside his free hand, along with a few pens he'd recently picked up on their last supply run. Ever since their fight against Ronan on Xandar, she's noticed him pull out the small, leather-bound book (from Terra, he'd told her) every now and then, either doodling or writing a few things down.

They've long since crossed the border of keeping secrets from each other, given their close friendship and relationship. She's sure he would give her permission to read it—he never bothers hiding it from her, sometimes even shows her things in it or just discusses the content inside with her. He doesn't keep it very close to his chest, so she's sure he'd allow her to read it. If she actually _asked_.

But she can't help the curiosity clawing at her, so she picks it up and flips it over—it'd been sitting face-down and open—to at least look at the page he'd left it on. Her eyes widen for a moment, blinded by the absurd amount of content on the page.

The two pages are completely _covered_ in drawings, mostly sketch-like in nature and loosely colored with his different colored pens. There are a few small notes here and there, too, accompanying each drawing, but all written in Peter's native Terran language, so the words are lost on her.

She settles instead for looking at the drawings, smiling to herself at the comical depictions of them dancing together, and the way he draws Terran heart symbols, which mean love, around him and her in each drawing. Everyone else from the team is included as well, even Nebula, and two shadowy figures, one with notes that have since been crossed out and another with notes highlighted in purple, beside a drawing of herself, Peter, Rocket, and Drax with what appears to be the Infinity Stone in the middle of them.

Once again giving into her curiosity, she flips through the rest of the yellowed pages, surprised to find things written in the common written language they all could read and write. By the looks of it, they're all accounts of different adventures the team's gone on or simple reflections about each member on the team.

Of course, _naturally_ , she stumbles upon an entry about herself, and she can't stop her eyes from poring over his words.

 _Day 16: I think Gamora's starting to like me more_ , she reads to herself. _She didn't really trust me at first, and she's not really very trustworthy herself, but something changed when we held the Infinity Stone. I dunno. It's been a couple weeks since Ronan and I think we've at least become friends now._

She's almost ready to stop reading then and there, because how _far_ they've come is almost too much for her to think about. It's been years since Ronan, and they've long since passed the "tentatively friends" stage.

But then she flips ahead a few more pages.

 _Day 40: AGH! Gamora drives me so crazy! I like her so much and I don't know why! We've got this weird thing going on where we argue a lot but still…get each other? I think I told her about David Hasselhoff when I was drunk the other day? And now she's a little nicer to me because of it…the tension is CRAZY!_

She catches herself just in time before bursting out with a laugh at his writing, so she doesn't wake him up. His struggle continues a few pages later.

 _Day 50: I'm so done for, I REALLY like Gamora…she's literally the deadliest woman in the galaxy and is the daughter of a homicidal maniac, but something about her just…I dunno. But I swear, she acts like she likes me back, because the tension has only gotten WORSE! There's DEFINITELY some unspoken thing here._

By now, she's just moving automatically, flipping through the pages until she catches the next entry about the development of their relationship.

 _Day 84: We're on our way to Ego's planet and Ego says he's my dad, but I'm a little nervous. I've been dreaming about this moment my whole life and even though it's here now, I'm…not even sure I want it? I feel horrible, but I love the Guardians as much as I've ever loved a family. They've become my new dream, in a way. Also, GAMORA MIGHT KNOW I LIKE HER? This girl named Mantis used her empathetic abilities on me and read my mind and just BLURTED IT OUT! I can't even look at Gamora right now, I feel so awkward…_

 _She's the one who encouraged me to check out Ego and his planet, though. Even brought up that dumb David Hasselhoff story. Unspoken thing being mutually reciprocated or not, she's at least kinda become my best friend, in a way…I would only share that kind of story with her. We're kinda like Kimmy and DJ from_ Full House _, except Gamora's the more organized and reserved DJ while I'm the disaster that is Kimmy Gibbler…if Kimmy had a crush on DJ._

 _DAY 84 UPDATE: I DANCED WITH GAMORA I DANCED WITH GAMORA I DANCED WITH GAMORA_

 _…..then we got into a bad argument. I should go talk to her. But I don't really want to and she probably doesn't want to, either._

 _That might have been our first…and last…dance._

That hadn't been a highlight for either of them. She's glad Ego and his planet are long gone now.

 _Day 87: It's been a few days since everything went to hell on Ego's planet and Yondu died…I still can't get over what happened. I went from realizing I've had a father all along to having no parents at all, just in the span of a few hours._

 _The team's being really supportive, though. We're all grieving. Gamora's got her own shit with Nebula—oh, and Gamora and I are…*together* now? She acknowledged the unspoken thing the other day, but things are heavy these days. We still haven't really talked about our argument on Ego's planet either._

 _Day 90: Things are getting a little better. Gamora and I finally talked about the argument. Then of course I had a freaking nightmare and showed up to her bunk like a loser in the middle of the night, but she didn't seem to mind. She helped me feel better. I hope I can do the same for her._

 _Day 100: We danced again! It was pretty romantic, considering it was in the kitchen in the middle of the freaking night, but at least it was a dance. Gamora is SUCH a dancer. Sorry, Drax._

She remembers that night; somehow, deciding to conquer nightmares through food had turned into dancing, but she's glad it did. The privacy and intimacy of the few stolen moments had aided in her feelings progressing greatly, which freaked her out at the time. Little did she know they'd end up where they are now—comfortable and happy.

 _Day 105: WE ALMOST KISSED….but then Rocket ruined it! He came into the room looking for something and Gamora nearly backed into a storage unit when she tried to jump away. Rocket still figured it out, though. Stupid trash panda._

Rocket's laughter from that day fills her mind for a moment and she rolls her eyes.

 _Day 120: WE FINALLY KISSED! We both stayed home while the rest of the team went out for the night (sans Groot, who was asleep) and it was AWESOME! I've kissed people before, but there's something different about actually being in a relationship with someone that makes doing that kind of stuff way more meaningful, y'know?_

They'd been taking their relationship slowly, which is why it took over two weeks just to even _attempt_ to kiss again, but she's finding herself relating a lot to Peter's reaction. She smiles.

 _Day 143: …I fooled around and fell in love. Goddamn it. Way to go, Star-Lord, in too deep as always._

Oh, if only Peter had known she'd _definitely_ fallen in love by this point as well… She glances up at his face for a moment, debating waking him just to remind him how much she loves him, but she knows the big moment shouldn't be too far off in his journal now.

 _Day 145: Anniversary of Mom's death. It's not as sad as usual because I don't feel as alone this year, but, man, I just wish Mom could've met Gamora. She would've ADORED her._

Parents will always be a painful subject for both of them, but Gamora has to admit, it's somewhat reassuring to know that she isn't alone in losing her parents at an early age similar to how Peter lost his mother. She wishes she could've met the infamous Meredith Quill, who Gamora believes played a large part in Peter being the person he is—selfless, enthusiastic, optimistic, and a great leader.

 _Day 172: It's official: Gamora and I are roommates. Literally sharing the same room. And the same bed. Hey, she's as much of a captain of this team as I am, so she stakes some claim to the captain quarters, too. At least post-nightmare comfort cuddles will be easier now._

They'd been "unofficial" roommates for a while before then, gradually spending more and more nights in each other's beds. Her moving into the captain's quarters was just a formality, really.

 _Day 198: Groot is getting so big! Gamora and I are pretty sad about it. He was such a cute baby. Hell, he was OUR cute baby. And now he's almost all grown up…_

Now he's big and grumpy. Not as cute. (Though, to be honest, he'll always be somewhat cute to her, because that's what happens when you raise a child, she thinks.)

 _Day 201: Gamora and I finally tried to go on a REAL date, just the two of us, away from the chaos of everyone else…we lasted about an hour or two before Kraglin called to inform us that Rocket stole something. I'm not even sure Rocket stole it just to steal things or just to mess with our date. Stupid trash panda._

She'd glared at Rocket when they returned to the Milano that night, but, again, he'd just laughed. Then Drax smacked him upside the head.

 _Day 211: I CAN'T KEEP MY DAMN MOUTH SHUT ANY LONGER! I AM IN SO MUCH LOVE WITH GAMORA! BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL HER! I LOVE HER SO MUCH THAT IT HURTS SOMETIMES! SHE'S SO PERFECT! HOW IS SHE SO PERFECT?_

 _Day 212: I was drunk up there on the previous entry sorry_

She's smiling again, and leans her head lightly against Peter's stomach, as if to convey her love through the gentle touch. _He's_ more perfect than he realizes.

 _Day 234: IT'S DONE WE DID IT! I SAID "I LOVE YOU" AND SHE SAID IT BACK! I'VE NEVER BEEN THIS HAPPY BEFORE IN MY ENTIRE PATHETIC LIFE! I wish Mom was here so I could tell her! And Yondu would probably laugh at me, but I wish I could tell him, too!_

Her heart flutters inexplicably at his enthusiastic description. She's torn between continuing to read and giving it up so she can hug him for everything she's read so far, but ultimately, her burning curiosity wins out.

 _Day 251: Well, the honeymoon phase is over. Gamora and I had a pretty heated argument earlier. It was bad. Apparently being in love with the people you actively work to save the galaxy with is a real gamble, 'cause neither of us can handle the other one getting hurt, so we don't make the most tactical decisions on the battlefield anymore…when we argued on Ego's planet, I was sure that was the end of us before we even became a thing, and though I'm feeling pretty shitty about this one, I think we'll make it through._

 _Day 253: We both just needed a day or two to cool off. We talked it out. We're good. It's probably far from our last argument, but if we keep trying to work together, I think we'll be ok._

 _Day 278: I almost died on a job today and Gamora's pissed…I guess I can't blame her because I'd feel the same way if she ever almost died, but still. This is something we're always going to have to deal with because of our lives, which really sucks._

Even now, years later, this is still the typical subject of their worst arguments. It truly is something they will always have to deal with.

 _Day 280: What if Gamora and I just settled on some random planet together and never did any more jobs or missions? Am I selfish for wanting that? We'd never have to stress about each other's safety ever again._

She's considered it before herself, and they've even _talked_ about it, but the consensus is always the same at the end: the team needs them, the galaxy needs them, and, frankly, they need this lifestyle, because they get anxious without work.

 _Day 307: Gamora got hurt really bad today and I'm so scared. It's usually the other way around because her body mods protect her a lot, but she's been asleep for a while and even though the doctors said she'd probably be fine, I'm really really really nervous. My hand's shaking a lot so this looks like shit but I just really want Gamora to wake up soon so she can find something to lecture ME about._

It takes her slightly longer than usual to decipher his scribbled writing, but given his anxiety at the time of writing this, it makes sense. She clenches her jaw against the tears that are suddenly pinching at her eyes, because though this was, indeed, a scary time for them, it's not now.

(But she can't recall the last time _anyone_ had worried so much over her, before Peter and the Guardians, so she has to rub the tears away with her hands.)

 _Day 310: Back on the mend! Gamora's body mods work miracles or something because she's healing super fast. She's almost nearly back to normal, but I can't help but feel nervous about her going back to doing everything she normally does, like sparring with Drax or practicing with her blades. I don't want her to hurt herself more._

 _Day 345: I just need to say that I fucking hate Thanos. I don't even know what his deal is but if he ever comes near Gamora (or Nebula) again I will personally kick his ass to the opposite side of the universe. I hate the things he's done to Gamora and how it's impacted her so much. She deserves SO MUCH better. Like, everything GOOD IN THIS UNIVERSE is what she deserves. Ugh. Fuck Thanos. Fuck evil dads. Go burn in hell with Ego._

Her tears from the entry about her injury have yet to completely fade from her eyes, and this one is definitely _not_ helping, because no one's ever denounced Thanos for her sake before. There are many people like Drax who want to see Thanos perish because they've lost loved ones to him, Gamora included, but no one's ever specifically wanted to avenge _her_ , until Peter came along. She gives a quiet, watery laugh, because Peter's view of Thanos is comfortingly simple—a bully, an abuser. She's not sure how much good she _really_ deserves, but Peter's already much more than anything she could have ever wanted to find in life. She curls into his lap a little more tightly.

 _Day 394: Man I still can't believe Gamora loves me back. I'm not sure what she saw in me because I don't really see THAT much myself, but ugh I just love her so much._

She'll have to remind Peter how great he is when he wakes up.

 _Day 446: Ran into Nebula today. Gamora finally broke the news to her about, uh, "us," I guess. Nebula usually threatens us whenever we see her, but she directed a special one to me—ripping my guts out through my throat, which I doubt is possible, but I'm not about to give her the chance to show me. Her eyes seemed a little softer, though._

Gamora knows how Nebula thinks. She knows when Nebula trusts and distrusts people, likes and dislikes them.

Nebula considers Peter family as much as he acknowledges her place in their mismatched family through her adoptive relation to Gamora. Nebula would never tell Peter this, though, but she does punch his arm a little more softly now than she used to whenever they cross paths.

 _Day 499: GAMORA SECRETLY LOVES CUDDLES A LOT YOU'VE READ IT HERE IT'S REAL_

The entries specifically regarding just herself and Peter fade out after that, the pages instead filled with more general stories about the team as a whole. Gamora's rubbing at her eyes by the ridiculous "day 449" entry, because it's strange to believe it's been _years_ since they'd first met, first hugged, first danced, first _kissed_.

Time, as Peter says a lot, really does fly.

She skips to the last few pages of the journal, of which Peter only has a few blank ones left, so she makes a mental note to pick up a new journal of some sort for him the next time they go on a supply run. She turns to the last page with writing, surprised to find the most recent entry a bit longer than the previous ones.

 _Day ?: I lost track of how many days it's been since I last wrote, but I know I haven't written much about Gamora in a while. We're doing awesome. We went on a supply run on this planet with really shitty weather that just completely kicked our asses with rain, so we packed it in early to warm up before the rest of the team was done, since she tends to run a liiiiiiittle colder than the rest of us._

 _She's actually asleep on my lap right now, wrapped up in nearly every blanket we own. It's a little ridiculous, but she looks cute. Did you know the deadliest woman in the galaxy is also the cutest? Well, now you know._

 _Gamora reminds me of this quote from good ol' Winnie the Pooh. It went something like, "Some people care too much. I think it's called love." Mom and I used to really love that one when we'd read about Pooh-bear and his friends. Gamora cares a lot more than people realize because they get so caught up in all the wrong things. Sure, she did bad things in the past, because she was forced to, but she cares so freaking much sometimes, I can't believe ANYONE can care that much. She definitely cares too much about me sometimes, but it's ok, because I love her, too._

 _And…my heart's beating a little faster just thinking about it, 'cause I'm so woefully unprepared, but I think, maybe before the next time we go to Xandar or somewhere with like legit government records and stuff that doesn't have a bounty on either of our heads, I'm gonna ask her to_ —

Gamora jumps when Peter suddenly shifts in his sleep, stretching his arms out with his eyes half-open. She holds the journal to her nose as she holds her breath, waiting for him to either wake or return to sleep. He slumps over rather gracelessly toward her, until he's draped across her back, his own body contorted in a strange position as she's still lying over his lap.

Taking mercy on him, she places the journal back down as she'd found it, face-down and open, beside his pens, then pulls herself up slowly, taking his upper body into her arms and pushing him down onto the bed, until he's lying down properly. She unwraps the blankets from around herself and drapes them over both of them before settling down beside him, throwing an arm over him and resting her head beside his on the pillow.

Then the sound of the journal and the pens all clattering to the ground overtakes the sound of rain filling her ears for a moment, but she's too settled in to care, especially when Peter turns on his side and curls in more closely to her.

And, besides, though she hadn't _quite_ finished reading the question in his last journal entry, she's already got her answer figured out, for whenever he decides to ask her. She presses her forehead to his, closing her eyes with a soft sigh.

"Yes."

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 **A/N:** (tfw you took "unspoken" prompt literally and wrote something with no dialogue lololol and okAY I WROTE ONE WORD OF DIALOGUE AT THE END BC I COULDN'T HELP IT SMH)

YAY HAPPY STARMORA WEEK 2017 Y'ALL IT'S BEEN LIT

ALSO ALSO ALSO wanna see peter's journal? well the good news is it exists on my art blog on tumblr: sneaky-peekz!

peter's journal had always been my idea for the final day of starmora week (considering the prompt was unspoken) and i woke up with the sudden inspiration to draw it out the other day so yeah, GO LOOK AT IT TO SEE ALL THE THINGS GAMORA COULDN'T READ BC THEY WERE IN TERRAN ENGLISH ;))))


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